American Idol

if Simon were to so wittily tell a contestant that the audition "sounds like bad karaoke from an East Village karaoke bar," he'd be throwing a great compliment. that's because on Saturday night Thurston and i broke it down at Sing Sing and East Village karaoke never had it so good.

our Saturday night began at Chelsea Piers for bowling with Kate and the Cuban and the Bean and her feller.

T rolling bombs.

after bowling (the Cubans won, if i recall correctly with T and i losing by a lot), we all were ready for another destination. headed to Tracy J's Watering Hole to undertake some karaoke. alas, that venue was chock full and the waiting list to croon was about 20 deep. after a short time bonding with Tracy J's proprietor, former Duke basketball great Art Heyman, Thurston suggested we head to Sing Sing, where we could get our own karaoke room and forego the painful waiting. all were on board so we headed there immediately.

the room to which we were assigned at Sing Sing was really for four people, but a little thing like crowding was not about to stop us. the Cuban kicked things off, and then T sang a painful version of some Guns n' Roses song that i have thankfully blocked out. Mrs. Cuban busted out Lisa Loeb's Stay, the Cuban broke it down on Fake Plastic Trees, the Bean did a very, very passionate Ain't No Mountain High Enough and i made everyone ridiculously uncomfortable with a heartfelt version of Nasty Girl. nobody writes better lyrics* than Vanity 6. nobody!

the weekend finished off at Red Lobster, a place i'd never visited before. how empty my life has been B.R.L. (that's "Before Red Lobster," thank you very much)!!



although, to my great chagrin, there were no "All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp" promotions going on (there weren't any all-you-can-eat anythings going on, to be sure), they were offering a Jumbo Shrimp special whereby i could create my own Shrimp Feast.
and feast i did! i chose a skewer of fire-grilled garlic shrimp paired with jumbo lobster and crab stuffed shrimp and, boy, was it delicious. i highly recommend you hit your nearest Red Lobster to partake of this special. you'll be thanking me!

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* That's right, pleased to meet you
I still won't tell you my name.
Don't you believe in mystery,
Don't you want to play my game?
I'm looking for a man to love me,
Like I've never been loved before.
I'm looking for a man who'll do it anywhere,
Even on the limosine floor.

'Cause tonight, living in a fantasy,
My own little nasty world.
Tonight, don't you want to come with me,
Do you think I'm a nasty girl?

I guess I'm just used to sailors,
I think they've got water on the brain.
I think they've got more water upstairs
Than they've got sugar on a candy cane.
That's right, it's been a long time,
Since I had a man that did it real good.
If you ain't scared, take it out,
I'll do it like a real-live nasty girl would.

Please, please
Please, please
Nasty girl, nasty girl, do you think I'm a nasty girl?
Nasty girl, nasty girl, do you think I'm a nasty girl?

I don't like this groove.
Try and give me something I can croon to.
Catch my drift?
That'll work.
That's right, I can't control it.
I need seven inches or more.
Tonight, I can no longer hold it.
Get it up, get it up, I can't wait any longer.

Uh, It's time to jam,
Dance nasty girls, dance !!

Is that it?
Wake me when you're done.
I guess you'll be the only one having fun